you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
