man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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