Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
