anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
