im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
