dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
