Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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