I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
