Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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