my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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