You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
