Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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