At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
