If that was your dad, he is hot
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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