Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
