This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
