This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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