no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
