But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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