Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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