dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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