We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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