if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
