ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
