Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
