I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
