Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
