turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
