He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize