What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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