We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
