Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
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Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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