Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
