I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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