That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
