I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
50% drunk capacity currently
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
