if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
