Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
