just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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