so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
