I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
