hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
