I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
