I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
