I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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