So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
