I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just googled if crying burns calories
Be still, my beating vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
