I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
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What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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