there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
