i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
