Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
