The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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