Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
