Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
