dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
