shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
