Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
