Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
