I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
barbara walters just said penis...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
