Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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