I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
