so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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