I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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