Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
