i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
