someone get that fucking seahorse.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
